Reparenting
I'm sorry that you didn't receive the childhood that you should have. Well done on putting the effort in now to break the cycle, not just for the sake of your kids, but for your sake as well.
Remember, we're not meant to walk this journey alone. Please reach out for help, and treat yourself with the same level of kindness that you show to others.
Promise Yourself
Pick one thing each day that you want to do, just for you. Maybe it's reading a chapter of a book, painting your nails, going for a walk. Make sure it's something achievable, then promise yourself that you'll do it, and keep that promise. Check out this self care page for more ideas.
Ask for Help
You probably got used to being a kid who didn't get their needs met. And now, you're in a habit of still not feeling like your needs are as valid as others. Listen to yourself, and figure out what you need. Do you need more time and space, do you need more help with the kids, with the housework, do you need someone to hold space while you talk about how awful your week has been?
Needing help from others doesn't make you a burden, it makes you human.
Boundaries
This is another thing that might feel scary at first. Saying no to things. Setting boundaries, and then holding them. As a child, you might have learned to be a 'good girl', which meant making life easy for those around you. Easy for them, but not so much for you. It's time to reclaim some of that back now.
Set clear limits with others about how you are willing to spend your time, and your emotional energy. It might look like saying things like "I'm not comfortable discussing that", or "I can only stay for an hour".
Once you've set the boundary, then hold firm to it. Reasonable people will respect it. If people don't respect it then keep holding that boundary, and remind them where your rules are.
Check out the boundaries page for more ideas.
Pause
When you can feel those emotions start to stir from within, take a moment to examine them, and be curious about what might have caused them. But make sure not to attach shame to those feelings.
Get Emotional
Obviously it's not always appropriate to completely let go of it all but when you're in a place where it's safe to let your feeling out, then let them out! Cry, yell, stomp, roll around, dance, jump, move, sob, sing, and think about the things that are making you feel like that. Your feelings are valid, they're welcome, and they need to come out sometime.
Don't be mean to yourself
Learn to hear the difference between your own voice, the true you, and that other voice that lives inside that's full of criticism. That voice loves to step in and mock you about your weight, your skills, your capabilities. Maybe it tells you that people don't really like you, that you're not good at your job. When you hear that voice, follow it up with another voice that says you're not going to listen to that self saboutage talk anymore. Remember, feedback is welcome, criticism is not, and there's a huuuuuuuge difference between the 2.
Play!
Find activities that bring you joy, without serving a greater purpose in your life. Maybe for you it's about dancing, or sports, or board games. Daydream, explore, craft, redecorate, bake, colour, draw, play pranks, join a competition, play video games, try a new skill, travel, paint, make candles, write, take photos, join a club, hike, do gardening.
If you're struggling, try writing lists of things you loved to do as a child, and use that as inspiration.
Reparenting Worksheet
So you know mental health, and self care are important, but how are you supposed to start that and remember to keep on track, and remember your worth on top of everything else you need to do?
Use this worksheet at the end of each day as a prompt to take 5 minutes to reflect and remember to show up for yourself as well as everyone else. You're important too, no matter what the critics in your head might say.
There's 3 versions so that you can choose the one that fits best into your life. One with a beautiful butterfly background, an ink saving version, and a version that you can edit on your computer by opening it in Adobe Reader (it's free).
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